So last night I was going to call Alex and throw up all my feelings but then Henri ended up calling me and ranting for like an hour and a half about everything on his mind and how everything is pretty fucked up right now and I guess all I really needed was to listen to someone else.
Soooo Life update oh man okay so I’m in school full time. Taking 7 classes but about to drop one. I have A’s in all of them though :-) I quit my job to go to school. I’ve been backpacking and hiking and camping an ass ton.
I really have a main goal in life and my eyes are kinda set on that goal so I’m trying my hardest not to get distracted by pleasure seeking things (as one of my friends put it) like love and relationships and stuff but sex is so hard to resist you know!! I don’t have anyone special. Basically gave up on finding anyone in this area because there’s really no one durable and stable around me (relationship wise). And I guess that sounds mean but it’s true. So many free floating people on a don’t ask don’t tell basis and I clearly dig it considering I’ve been hookin up with a few guys for a little while now but I’m getting so tired of the instability. It’s cool though because it’s easy to not get jealous when you form no emotional attachment. All the guys I’ve been hookin up with are just really dope friends of mine that happen to be physically appealing, too, you know?
School is awesome, I’m taking Nature Study and Conservation which is basically one of the dopest classes ever. We learn about nature and how to ID certain plants and birds and take a field trip every Wednesday. Super tight. Jazz History is funkin sick. My philosophy class has the biggest work load but it’s tied with Nature Study as my favorite class. I have the dopest professor. Then Horticulture, Aboriculture, Permaculture, and Spring Plant Production.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I really have no knowledge of anything. I want to clean and organize everything the week before spring break then go backpacking and start on a new slate because everything seems so complicated right now and I know it’s not. I just need some solid time in nature.
I’m quitting cigarettes :) Consequently, everyone and everything is pissing me off. I’ve been feeling really weird about my friends. Friends with tons of people and no one to really confide in. I feed my friends bullshit stories about the least of my worries so they seem like the biggest problems I have, but they’re not. Just wish I could really spend a day or few in a regional/state/national park and tell someone my life stories and my deepest secrets and emotions and vice versa. I just want a real friend. I don’t want a lover or a boyfriend, I just want a friend. Someone I can call when I’m sad or scared or just need/want to talk. Maybe my friend standards are just too high? Maybe I’m afraid my friends will gossip. People have big mouths, whether they’re materialistic or not (though they tend to be the latter). Maybe I’m afraid because all my friends know each other and we tell each other everything. I just don’t feel comfortable sharing anything really deep with these cats because we’re so communal and everything gets around. Not to say I don’t like it, I love it, I just don’t feel like I have a confidante is what I’m trying to say. No best friend.
On that note, I’m very happy with my life and I feel as if everything is heading in the right direction even though there are bumps in the road. It could be a million times worse, which is why I’m striving to make the world a million times better.
I’m so annoyed by everyone lol I can’t tell if I’m legitimately annoyed or just angsty because I have a tumblr again
Good God I am getting so distracted. After this week I’m cutting contact with like everyone so I can get back on track. Why am I so sick of everyone right now holy shit